checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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