better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
