I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I am morally bankrupt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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