Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
