why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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