it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
