I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize