You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
