you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He felt like a one man threesome
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
