And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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