Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
