You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
