my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
