im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
