I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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