just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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