Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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