In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
