This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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