it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
