hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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