I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
