It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
