Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize