the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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