Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
