I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize