im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
