I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Say something about gay babies.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
