Well douche your snatch and let's go!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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