hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
