My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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