i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
