My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Terrible idea I love it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
