I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
