I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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