I want to have your abortion
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize