so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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