I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You work out of a Hotel?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
