Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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