I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
