watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
