she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.