If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
