I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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