My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
