i think my tv is drunk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
