drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
