who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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