Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
