My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
