when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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