those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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