My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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