i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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