While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
