College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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