woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
