So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
