I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
