I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
