Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Even my vagina gasped.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
